Chapter 1 Before I Became Selectively Mute (4)
Loser School Child
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After I graduated from kindergarten, I entered into a neighborhood public elementary school.
By the time I enrolled the school, I broke myself of my annoying habit of wetting my pants outside, though I was still in diaper when I went to bed.
In the school I found many children who I had gotten acquainted with in kindergarten. My anxiety about interpersonal relationships slightly declined.
Although I didn't suffer from selective mutism in the school, I encountered other difficulties again.
[Extremely Physically Weak]
Elementary school is different from kindergarten. School teachers evaluates children.
I was appalled in PE lesson to become aware that I was extremely physically weak. Whatever race I had, I finished second to last! The last boy was Mr. U who had handicap. As the PE lesson is provided for both sexes, I lost even to girls.
[I was Bullied]
Being weak, I was bullied by children, including girls.
[Too Stupid]
What is worse is that I was too stupid.
I had a humiliating experience when I learned addition in a math class.
Even children who just entered elementary school knew "one and one is two." But, for example, "two and three is five" was difficult to understand. Many classmates calculated hard with their fingers and thumbs.
Ms. A, my homeroom teacher, repeated, "I won't teach children subtraction until all children get to be able to do add without their fingers and thumbs." She had an uncompromising belief that she will not make any children in her homeroom drop out.
So, she taught addition carefully to children who said they couldn't understand it well. She taught with zeal, especially to Mr. U who had handicap.
At last, Mr. U got to be able to do add without using his fingers and thumbs. At that moment, she said, "Everyone gets to be able to do add without using your fingers and thumbs! Now I'll teach you subtraction!!"
But she wasn't aware that there was still one child who didn't master addition. The child was ... me. She, a teaching professional, couldn't imagine such slow child existed.
[Loser School Child]
When I entered elementary school, I was aware that I was a severe loser child. I wondered why such differences existed between children.
(To be continued)
