My Father's Passing (1)

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Chapter 2 I Get Selective Mutism

My Father's Passing (1)

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[My Father's Passing]

It was my 10th birthday morning when I was told that my father passed away. I was surprised to hear that. I couldn't expect this tragedy. But I remembered my father's serious condition when I visited him last. I thought that my father's passing may not have been unnatural.

I stayed away from school, and went to a Buddhist temple to attend wake and funeral. My mother and relatives had already gathered together in the temple.

"Your father passed away of cancer."

It was the first time I'd heard what my father had suffered from.

[Funeral Album]

Funeral was taken place. My family, many relatives, my father's colleagues, and my homeroom teacher attended wake and funeral.

To write this entry, I referred to a funeral album edited in those days. My mother looked deeply depressed, probably because of sorrow and tiredness. Seeing the album, I was worried about the future of bereaved mother and children in the photo. I can see the photo objectively now, because many years have passed since my father died.

[Eldest Son of Fatherless Family]

"Tomishige, you have to protect your mother."

Since my father's passing, my mother and many relatives have said to me. I became an eldest son of fatherless family.

I also thought that I had to rebuild a happy family life as an eldest son. So, I had to study hard to get into a good university and company, and marry a good woman.

And I heard that sons of fatherless family have a disadvantage in getting a job and getting married. I had to overcome these obstacles.

But I thought that it was very hard for me to overcome such obstacles. I was an abnormal child who was selectively mute.

Many mothers of children with selective mutism take a stance on protecting their children. On the contrary, I, one child with selective mutism, had to protect my mother.

(To be continued)

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Nengajo, Cumbersome Work!

December is busy month for Japanese. In Japan, from earlier times, December is called Shiwasu, which means teachers are so busy that they run around.

In this busy month, Japanese have to send Nengajo, New Year's greeting postcard. It's a custom in this country.

In earlier times, people wrote Nengajo in handwriting. But today, most people make and print cards with PC and printer. So, in winter, many varieties of Nengajo software are sold well in bookstores and electric stores.

I don't like such an old custom. I can't understand why we have to send postcard in the Internet age. Some even sent cards to people who they don't know well, because it's a custom.

Making and printing Nengajo is cumbersome work. I don't want to spend my valuable time on such thing. I have a lot of ground to cover.

My Father's Sickness

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Chapter 2 I Get Selective Mutism

My Father's Sickness

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[My Father's Sickness]

Not only school environment. My Family environment also got worse.

When I moved to the relatives' house, they often took me visiting my father in hospital. But gradually their attitude changed. In summer, they rarely took me to the hospital. Although I sometime said to them, "I wanna visit my father," their responses were "No."

But one day, they took me.

I was deeply shocked to see my father. He was not lively as he used to be. My mother and some relatives attending my father looked quite serious and tired. "S (my father's name,) Tomishige is coming. Can you see him?" One relative said to my father. He didn't suffer from eye disease. But his illness looked so serious that he became extremely weak and his vision was impaired.

My father, though he was seriously weak, told me some words. That was just like his last wish.

Then, we left the sickroom. I didn't imagine his condition got worse until I visited.

[Birth and ...]

It was my 10th birthday morning. When I was getting ready to go to school, the telephone rang. Seeing my relative taking the phone, I wondered who called us at early hour.

After put down the phone, my relative said me, "Tomishige, your father passed away."

(To be continued)

Index of SM story

New Website about Selective Mutism (Japanese)

I created a new website about selective mutism (Japanese). :)

http://smjournal.sakura.ne.jp/index.html

This site includes blog, bbs, and information about selective mutism.

Tomishige, Bullying and Selective Mutism

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Chapter 2 I Get Selective Mutism

Tomishige, Bullying and Selective Mutism

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[Bullies]

I was bullied by many classmates, sometimes even by non-classmates.

I cannot forget K, my classmate who bullied me most. K was a cunning boy. He understood how to bully weak children, how to take advantage of them and how to bully them without being found by teachers.

[Enduring Dark Days]

In Japan, some people say, "Bullying are attributed not only to bullies but also to bullied children." If so, what kind of problems caused the bullying? My weakness and shyness? Transferring from other region?

I suppose the reason why my homeroom teacher scolded me again and again was that she thought the bullying are attributed to Tomishige's weakness and shyness. So, she encouraged me to become a tough boy. But in retrospect, I suspect I suffered from selective mutism.

I sometimes talked about bullying with my mother. She often said to me, "Revenge on bullies!" But in school, I got extremely shy, and couldn't speak and move well. In addition, bullies were not one ore two, but tens of classmates. It was not easy for me to revenge on tens of bullies.

(To be continued)

Index of SM story