* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Entrance Exams (2)
* * * * * * * * * *
In
the former story, I took three college entrance examinations. But I was
scheduled to take one more examination. That is the secondary entrance
examination to a national university. I put special importance on the
examination, because I wanted to enter the national university.
Fortunately,
the examination was written examination, not interview examination. So,
it did not matter whether I was able to speak smoothly. Even today many
Japanese colleges and schools sometimes set interview examination to
applicants. So, some Japanese junior high school and high school
students with selective mutism have trouble passing entrance
examinations.
And I was successful in the entrance examination.
["Tomishige was all smiles"]
Soon
after I knew my examination result, I went to my high school to tell
the result to my teachers and thank them. But when I arrived at my
school in the evening, few teachers remained there. Opening the door of
the teachers' room, I found only one teacher worked. He was a teacher of
the third year of the school, not my homeroom teacher. As soon as he
noticed me, he walked straight up to me and said, "Congratulations, Tomishige!"
He added that the college had already informed the high school of a
list of students who passed the examination. He offered his hand, so I
shook hands with him.
I think most students will have a
happy smile if they are in the same situation. But I didn't. I was
emotionless. That must be odd. I had studied hard to pass the entrance
examination of prestigious colleges since I entered a high school. Now I
achieved my ambition. But my selective mutism caused me to be
emotionless even when I were in such a happy situation.
After I went home, my homeroom teacher called me. "Congratulations on passing your exam, Tomishige! One teacher told me you went to high school some time ago. He said Tomishige was all smiles. I felt very sorry for going home early."
I
was surprised. It was contrary to the truth. I did not know why the
teacher said such a thing. Perhaps he told a lie to her, because he
wanted her to be pleased. Like the Japanese proverb says, Uso mo houben
(Circumstances may justify a lie). Another possibility was that he
confused me with other students.
* * * * * * * * * *
In this way, my high school life ended. Next, I went to university.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Showing posts with label My Memories of Selective Mutism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Memories of Selective Mutism. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Entrance Exams (1)
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Entrance Exams (1)
* * * * * * * * * *
When I was in junior high school, I couldn't pass the entrance exam to the high school I wanted to go to . Since then, my aim had been to enter a prestigious university.
Japanese universities then had two types of admission. One was general admission. Students granted general admission if they passed entrance exams that was mainly paper test. Unlike US, each universities conducted selective entrance exams. The other was recommended admission. Students granted recommended admission if principals of their high schools recommended them to universities and they passed entrance exams that was mainly interview exams.
I was going to apply for general admission to national universities and private universities. The schedule was as follows:
[January]
National Center Test for University Admissions (preliminary entrance exam to national universities)
[early-February]
Entrance exams to private universities
[late-February and mid-March]
Secondary entrance exams to national universities
I took NCTUA and three entrance exams. Although I was a nervous man, I felt relaxed when I sit for the exams. I think one reason for that is that my high school had students rehearse entrance examination again and again.
I was at my best at the entrance exams. I achieved a good score at NCTUA and passed exams for two private universities. But I was not confident of passing exams if applied for recommended admission and took interview exams. I didn't overcome selective mutism completely at that time, so I had no confidence to talk at interviews.
In this way, I took three exams. but one exam was left. That is secondary entrance exams to national universities.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Entrance Exams (1)
* * * * * * * * * *
When I was in junior high school, I couldn't pass the entrance exam to the high school I wanted to go to . Since then, my aim had been to enter a prestigious university.
Japanese universities then had two types of admission. One was general admission. Students granted general admission if they passed entrance exams that was mainly paper test. Unlike US, each universities conducted selective entrance exams. The other was recommended admission. Students granted recommended admission if principals of their high schools recommended them to universities and they passed entrance exams that was mainly interview exams.
I was going to apply for general admission to national universities and private universities. The schedule was as follows:
[January]
National Center Test for University Admissions (preliminary entrance exam to national universities)
[early-February]
Entrance exams to private universities
[late-February and mid-March]
Secondary entrance exams to national universities
I took NCTUA and three entrance exams. Although I was a nervous man, I felt relaxed when I sit for the exams. I think one reason for that is that my high school had students rehearse entrance examination again and again.
I was at my best at the entrance exams. I achieved a good score at NCTUA and passed exams for two private universities. But I was not confident of passing exams if applied for recommended admission and took interview exams. I didn't overcome selective mutism completely at that time, so I had no confidence to talk at interviews.
In this way, I took three exams. but one exam was left. That is secondary entrance exams to national universities.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Monday, July 19, 2010
My words had great impact
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
My words had great impact
* * * * * * * * * *
[I taught English to my classmates]
I was regarded a bright student, so some classmates asked me to teach Japanese history, mathematics, English, etc. Although I had selective mutism, I was able to speak quietly then. So, I taught my classmates them in a quiet voice. When I think back, it may have been a behavioural therapy.
[My words had great impact]
One day seating arrangements were changed, and my seat moved next to a female classmate. I became friendly with her.
On a certain day she felt depressed because she was rebuked by our homeroom teacher for her bad exam results. So, I offered words of encouragement to her. Of course, it was rare for me to talk to somebody, as I had selective mutism.
Fortunately, she was very pleased with my words. Girl students next to us said, "Your words have great impact. Even if talkative girls like us says the same words, that doesn't have high impact as yours." The next day the female classmates talked to other classmates about my yesterday's offering words of encouragement proudly. She seemed to be very glad about my words.
[I tended to avoid going to places where people gather]
I tended to avoid going to places where people gather. For instance, career guidance room and library in my school. But I don't know whether this was because I had selective mutism.
My school placed Akahon in the career guidance room. Akahon are Japanese student's bible that contains information about colleges and archives of colleges' entrance exams. Many students went to the career guidance room and read Akahon to gain information about colleges or to solve past colleges' entrance exams. In contrast, I didn't go to the room.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
My words had great impact
* * * * * * * * * *
[I taught English to my classmates]
I was regarded a bright student, so some classmates asked me to teach Japanese history, mathematics, English, etc. Although I had selective mutism, I was able to speak quietly then. So, I taught my classmates them in a quiet voice. When I think back, it may have been a behavioural therapy.
[My words had great impact]
One day seating arrangements were changed, and my seat moved next to a female classmate. I became friendly with her.
On a certain day she felt depressed because she was rebuked by our homeroom teacher for her bad exam results. So, I offered words of encouragement to her. Of course, it was rare for me to talk to somebody, as I had selective mutism.
Fortunately, she was very pleased with my words. Girl students next to us said, "Your words have great impact. Even if talkative girls like us says the same words, that doesn't have high impact as yours." The next day the female classmates talked to other classmates about my yesterday's offering words of encouragement proudly. She seemed to be very glad about my words.
[I tended to avoid going to places where people gather]
I tended to avoid going to places where people gather. For instance, career guidance room and library in my school. But I don't know whether this was because I had selective mutism.
My school placed Akahon in the career guidance room. Akahon are Japanese student's bible that contains information about colleges and archives of colleges' entrance exams. Many students went to the career guidance room and read Akahon to gain information about colleges or to solve past colleges' entrance exams. In contrast, I didn't go to the room.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Friday, February 26, 2010
I became a senior in high school
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
I became a senior in high school.
* * * * * * * * * *
I became a senior in high school.
My class was a looping class. My homeroom teacher was the same as before, so were almost all of my classmates. But only A, the most beautiful girl in my class, moved to other class. She was an outstanding student, so she moved to the class which is made up of excellent students.
College entrance exams were approaching within a year. As a college oriented class, teachers assigned us more homework. In addition to school homework, we students did our own studies to pass the entrance exams. We needed to study harder.
Therefore, my interest in overcoming selective mutism became less and less.
* * * * * * * * * *
At that time, the relationship between M and I changed dramatically. But I won't even go into detail. I'll let you imagine the rest.
* M was my female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me.
* * * * * * * * * *
When we became a senior, our English grammar teacher changed. He was a strict teacher. He had a stern look on his face. But he was lenient only with me. I guess that's probably because he thought I was obedient and serious student. In Japan, if a mute and quite student like me study hard and get high marks in tests, he or she are more likely to be regarded as an obedient and serious student.
Another possibility is he thought that he should not take strict attitude toward me, because I was so shy. I guess he thought that I'll be too daunted if he was strict with me.
Like him, there were many strict teachers in my school, but no one took strict attitude almost only toward me. I was fearful of them.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
I became a senior in high school.
* * * * * * * * * *
I became a senior in high school.
My class was a looping class. My homeroom teacher was the same as before, so were almost all of my classmates. But only A, the most beautiful girl in my class, moved to other class. She was an outstanding student, so she moved to the class which is made up of excellent students.
College entrance exams were approaching within a year. As a college oriented class, teachers assigned us more homework. In addition to school homework, we students did our own studies to pass the entrance exams. We needed to study harder.
Therefore, my interest in overcoming selective mutism became less and less.
* * * * * * * * * *
At that time, the relationship between M and I changed dramatically. But I won't even go into detail. I'll let you imagine the rest.
* M was my female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me.
* * * * * * * * * *
When we became a senior, our English grammar teacher changed. He was a strict teacher. He had a stern look on his face. But he was lenient only with me. I guess that's probably because he thought I was obedient and serious student. In Japan, if a mute and quite student like me study hard and get high marks in tests, he or she are more likely to be regarded as an obedient and serious student.
Another possibility is he thought that he should not take strict attitude toward me, because I was so shy. I guess he thought that I'll be too daunted if he was strict with me.
Like him, there were many strict teachers in my school, but no one took strict attitude almost only toward me. I was fearful of them.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Friday, October 16, 2009
Study was everything
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Study was everything
* * * * * * * * * *
[Which colleges we wanted to apply to ?]
When I was a sophomore in high school, one day our school had us take a nationwide practice entrance exam.
Before we took the exam, we were required to write which colleges we wanted to apply to on prescribed forms. After the exam, the organizer of the exam showed us possibilities that we pass the entrance exams for colleges we wanted to apply to on the basis of data obtained by the exam.
I also wrote my preferred colleges on a prescribed form. I wrote three colleges. A college, B college and C college. But after I submitted the paper, my homeroom teacher called me into a teachers' room. She asked me why I wrote the name of C college. She said she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the name of the college. According to her, C college had bad reputation, and most alumni of our high school who went to C colleges were ones with very low academic achievement. "I can't understand why did student like you write such college's name?"
From what she saw, I underestimated me. But from what I saw, she overestimated me.
I went through similar experience when I was the 5th grade. My homeroom teacher thought highly of me. But I had the opposite view (see "My self-evaluation").
Did she misunderstood me because I spoke nothing? Did selective mutism affect my self-esteem and cause me to underestimate myself?
[Study was everything]
Many students in my class studied hard to pass college entrance exams. Maybe because of that, there was an atmosphere in my class that study was everything. If student get high marks, he or she gains respect. Even if high-achievement students had some problems, their problems tended to be ignored.
My selective mutism didn't disappeared completely then. But I studied hard to pass college entrance exams rather than tried to overcome my anxiety disorder. As a result, I got high marks in regular exams. My classmates showed respect for me. My homeroom teacher also thought highly of me. I had only to study.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Study was everything
* * * * * * * * * *
[Which colleges we wanted to apply to ?]
When I was a sophomore in high school, one day our school had us take a nationwide practice entrance exam.
Before we took the exam, we were required to write which colleges we wanted to apply to on prescribed forms. After the exam, the organizer of the exam showed us possibilities that we pass the entrance exams for colleges we wanted to apply to on the basis of data obtained by the exam.
I also wrote my preferred colleges on a prescribed form. I wrote three colleges. A college, B college and C college. But after I submitted the paper, my homeroom teacher called me into a teachers' room. She asked me why I wrote the name of C college. She said she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the name of the college. According to her, C college had bad reputation, and most alumni of our high school who went to C colleges were ones with very low academic achievement. "I can't understand why did student like you write such college's name?"
From what she saw, I underestimated me. But from what I saw, she overestimated me.
I went through similar experience when I was the 5th grade. My homeroom teacher thought highly of me. But I had the opposite view (see "My self-evaluation").
Did she misunderstood me because I spoke nothing? Did selective mutism affect my self-esteem and cause me to underestimate myself?
[Study was everything]
Many students in my class studied hard to pass college entrance exams. Maybe because of that, there was an atmosphere in my class that study was everything. If student get high marks, he or she gains respect. Even if high-achievement students had some problems, their problems tended to be ignored.
My selective mutism didn't disappeared completely then. But I studied hard to pass college entrance exams rather than tried to overcome my anxiety disorder. As a result, I got high marks in regular exams. My classmates showed respect for me. My homeroom teacher also thought highly of me. I had only to study.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Must I overcome selective mutism?
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Must I overcome selective mutism?
* * * * * * * * * *
[Regular exam]
My long-term goal was to enter a prestigious college. In order to achieve the goal, at the very least I had to get good grade in regular exam.
I achieved the goal to some extent. I was almost always second or third in my class (about 40 students were in my class). But I could hardly get the top marks. At the top was almost always A, the most beautiful girl in my class. So, one of my goal became to get higher mark than A in regular exam.
Before long A and I got acquainted with each other. I couldn't talk to A since I had selective mutism, but A talked to me. I made friends with her.
[Must I overcome selective mutism?]
When I was sophomore, I became a little wiser.
I wondered whether I should overcome selective mutism (I didn't know selective mutism at that time. I thought I couldn't speak because of my personality. So, to me, overcoming selective mutism meant changing my personality).
It may be odd, but many classmates and teachers had liked me because I had been mute. In addition, as I wrote earlier, I thought my mutism was an identity. So, it was fearful for me to overcome selective mutism. Disappearing mutism meant I lose my identity.
Anyway, I thought I could not afford to overcome selective mutism. I was very busy to study to pass the entrance exam for college.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Must I overcome selective mutism?
* * * * * * * * * *
[Regular exam]
My long-term goal was to enter a prestigious college. In order to achieve the goal, at the very least I had to get good grade in regular exam.
I achieved the goal to some extent. I was almost always second or third in my class (about 40 students were in my class). But I could hardly get the top marks. At the top was almost always A, the most beautiful girl in my class. So, one of my goal became to get higher mark than A in regular exam.
Before long A and I got acquainted with each other. I couldn't talk to A since I had selective mutism, but A talked to me. I made friends with her.
[Must I overcome selective mutism?]
When I was sophomore, I became a little wiser.
I wondered whether I should overcome selective mutism (I didn't know selective mutism at that time. I thought I couldn't speak because of my personality. So, to me, overcoming selective mutism meant changing my personality).
It may be odd, but many classmates and teachers had liked me because I had been mute. In addition, as I wrote earlier, I thought my mutism was an identity. So, it was fearful for me to overcome selective mutism. Disappearing mutism meant I lose my identity.
Anyway, I thought I could not afford to overcome selective mutism. I was very busy to study to pass the entrance exam for college.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Teachers and classes (2)
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Teachers and classes (2)
* * * * * * * * * *
[Japanese class]
There were two types of Japanese classes. One was contemporary writings. The other was classic literature. My homeroom teacher taught contemporary writings.
As in the case of English classes, teachers assigned us preparation. We had to solve problems about contemporary writings or translate classic language into current one. I did so and read answers and translations I thought in advance when I asked to do so by teachers in class.
[Japanese history class]
As in the case of English classes, keeping the habit of keeping eye contact with teachers, Japanese history teacher also found me and got close to me.
[A PE teacher]
I was surprised to see my PE teacher at the first PE lesson. I had once seen him when I was freshman in high school. He also remembered me.
In addition to selective muitsm, I had some complex. I was weak in sports. But he was interested in me and friendly talked me. He called me "Tomi-chan" with affection. I had not known such a PE teacher.
* chan is a Japanese suffix.
Japanese honorifics
(New window open)
One odd thing for me is that he sometimes talked about love when he talked to me. He sometimes talked about A, the most beautiful girl in my class. It seemed to me that he wanted me to be interested in the opposite sex. I guessed that he saw me as a boy who was deeply interested in study but not in girls. So, maybe he felt anxious for my future. I felt anxious in another way. I was not interested in A. If my classmates heard the conversation, they may think that I loved A. What is worse, if the classmates told A that Tomishige loved A, I was misunderstood even by A.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Teachers and classes (2)
* * * * * * * * * *
[Japanese class]
There were two types of Japanese classes. One was contemporary writings. The other was classic literature. My homeroom teacher taught contemporary writings.
As in the case of English classes, teachers assigned us preparation. We had to solve problems about contemporary writings or translate classic language into current one. I did so and read answers and translations I thought in advance when I asked to do so by teachers in class.
[Japanese history class]
As in the case of English classes, keeping the habit of keeping eye contact with teachers, Japanese history teacher also found me and got close to me.
[A PE teacher]
I was surprised to see my PE teacher at the first PE lesson. I had once seen him when I was freshman in high school. He also remembered me.
In addition to selective muitsm, I had some complex. I was weak in sports. But he was interested in me and friendly talked me. He called me "Tomi-chan" with affection. I had not known such a PE teacher.
* chan is a Japanese suffix.
Japanese honorifics
(New window open)
One odd thing for me is that he sometimes talked about love when he talked to me. He sometimes talked about A, the most beautiful girl in my class. It seemed to me that he wanted me to be interested in the opposite sex. I guessed that he saw me as a boy who was deeply interested in study but not in girls. So, maybe he felt anxious for my future. I felt anxious in another way. I was not interested in A. If my classmates heard the conversation, they may think that I loved A. What is worse, if the classmates told A that Tomishige loved A, I was misunderstood even by A.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Teachers and classes (1)
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Teachers and classes (1)
* * * * * * * * * *
Many teachers were concerned with me when I was sophomore. Homeroom teacher, English teacher, Japanese teacher, history teacher, mathematics teacher, etc.
I developed a good relationship with them.
I guessed almost all teachers saw me a hardworking students. In fact, I got high marks in regular exams.
[Homeroom teacher]
My homeroom teacher had a stern look on her face. At first I was afraid of her. But when I get to know her personality, I realized that I misunderstood her.
She seemed to be a veteran teacher. She know well how to lead students to study to pass entrance exams to the Universities.
[English class]
In my high school, there were two types of English lessons. One was reader (lessons in reading English). The other was grammar. In both classes, teachers translated English textbook into Japanese, solved problems in textbook, or explained English grammar.
Teachers assigned us preparation. We had to translate English into Japanese or solve problems in advance. So we did so and wrote translation and answers on our notebooks before English classes began. When teachers asked us to translate textbook or solve problems in class, we read our notebooks.
I also did so. Although I had selective mutism, I could read sentences written on books or notebooks in class in a low voice. In retrospect, that may have been a behavior therapy.
As I wrote earlier, I had been in the habit of keeping eye contact with teachers when I listened in class although I had selective mutism (see Han note, Eye contact, Majime).
Keeping the habit, an Engilsh grammar teacher found me and got close to me. Thanks to my habit of nodding, I could get acquainted with him although I hardly spoke.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Teachers and classes (1)
* * * * * * * * * *
Many teachers were concerned with me when I was sophomore. Homeroom teacher, English teacher, Japanese teacher, history teacher, mathematics teacher, etc.
I developed a good relationship with them.
I guessed almost all teachers saw me a hardworking students. In fact, I got high marks in regular exams.
[Homeroom teacher]
My homeroom teacher had a stern look on her face. At first I was afraid of her. But when I get to know her personality, I realized that I misunderstood her.
She seemed to be a veteran teacher. She know well how to lead students to study to pass entrance exams to the Universities.
[English class]
In my high school, there were two types of English lessons. One was reader (lessons in reading English). The other was grammar. In both classes, teachers translated English textbook into Japanese, solved problems in textbook, or explained English grammar.
Teachers assigned us preparation. We had to translate English into Japanese or solve problems in advance. So we did so and wrote translation and answers on our notebooks before English classes began. When teachers asked us to translate textbook or solve problems in class, we read our notebooks.
I also did so. Although I had selective mutism, I could read sentences written on books or notebooks in class in a low voice. In retrospect, that may have been a behavior therapy.
As I wrote earlier, I had been in the habit of keeping eye contact with teachers when I listened in class although I had selective mutism (see Han note, Eye contact, Majime).
Keeping the habit, an Engilsh grammar teacher found me and got close to me. Thanks to my habit of nodding, I could get acquainted with him although I hardly spoke.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Monday, January 05, 2009
Students sitting near me
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Students sitting near me
* * * * * * * * * *
I was promoted to the sophomore. As I wrote my previous post, my desk was in the corner of the classroom.
Students sitting near me was S and M.
S was a boy sitting in front of me. M was a girl sitting next to me. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me.
At first, I was mute. I didn't talk to anyone. But some time later, S talked to me. I replied in a low voice. As it was the start of the school year, I had drive to speak. And the episode shows I began to overcome selective mutism. We continued to do such things. We gradually become close to each other. I also become close to Z, a friend of S. But I consistently had a passive attitude toward them. I didn't think they were my friends.
On the other hand, I didn't talk to M. Neither did M. But I occasionally asked her to show her textbook with her, because I sometimes forgot my textbooks. One day I thanked her for showing her textbook to me with my awkward way of speaking. M said with sparkling eyes, "Uun, betsu ni. (You're welcome.)" Then she suddenly grasped a friend of her by the arm and dashed out of the classroom very delightedly.
She looked odd when it comes to me.
When I talked to S, I sometimes smiled. M wanted to watch me smiling, probably because when she and I were the same class in elementary school, my selective mutism was so severe that I didn't smile at school. So, when I smiled, M sometimes looked at me. But I didn't want her to see smiling for some reason. When she looked at me, I quickly changed my expression.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Students sitting near me
* * * * * * * * * *
I was promoted to the sophomore. As I wrote my previous post, my desk was in the corner of the classroom.
Students sitting near me was S and M.
S was a boy sitting in front of me. M was a girl sitting next to me. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me.
At first, I was mute. I didn't talk to anyone. But some time later, S talked to me. I replied in a low voice. As it was the start of the school year, I had drive to speak. And the episode shows I began to overcome selective mutism. We continued to do such things. We gradually become close to each other. I also become close to Z, a friend of S. But I consistently had a passive attitude toward them. I didn't think they were my friends.
On the other hand, I didn't talk to M. Neither did M. But I occasionally asked her to show her textbook with her, because I sometimes forgot my textbooks. One day I thanked her for showing her textbook to me with my awkward way of speaking. M said with sparkling eyes, "Uun, betsu ni. (You're welcome.)" Then she suddenly grasped a friend of her by the arm and dashed out of the classroom very delightedly.
She looked odd when it comes to me.
When I talked to S, I sometimes smiled. M wanted to watch me smiling, probably because when she and I were the same class in elementary school, my selective mutism was so severe that I didn't smile at school. So, when I smiled, M sometimes looked at me. But I didn't want her to see smiling for some reason. When she looked at me, I quickly changed my expression.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Thursday, December 04, 2008
New class
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
New class
* * * * * * * * * *
[I moved up to SPC]
At the end of the school year, my homeroom teacher told me that I would move up to Special Preparatory Course next school year.
As I wrote earlier, my high school consisted of three courses. Career Course, Preparatory Course and Special Preparatory Course.
Before I entered the high school, I wanted to study in SPC. But my wish was not granted.
But after I enrolled in the school, I studied hard in PC and got good grades on my exams many times. I guess that teachers appreciated me.
[New homeroom teacher]
I was acquainted with two teachers in SPC. One was Ms. O, a young English-language teacher. She was famous as a beautiful teacher. The other was Ms. H, a senior Japanese-language teacher. She had a stern look on her face. Honestly, I liked Ms. O rather than Ms. H. I wanted Ms. O to become my next homeroom teacher.
At the first of the school year, teachers announced new class composition. I was shocked. My homeroom teacher was Ms. H!
While I was afraid of her, I thought I could concentrate on my study to enter college.
[New Classmates]
I hardly saw any familiar faces in the new class. But I found M. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me. When I entered the classroom, I was surprised. My desk was next to M.
My desk was in the corner of the classroom. The next seat to mine was M. The front seat was S, a male student I first became acquainted with.
S sometimes spoke to me. I managed to whisper to him. As it was the start of the school year, I had drive to speak and change myself. And the episode shows that I began to overcome selective mutism.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
New class
* * * * * * * * * *
[I moved up to SPC]
At the end of the school year, my homeroom teacher told me that I would move up to Special Preparatory Course next school year.
As I wrote earlier, my high school consisted of three courses. Career Course, Preparatory Course and Special Preparatory Course.
Before I entered the high school, I wanted to study in SPC. But my wish was not granted.
But after I enrolled in the school, I studied hard in PC and got good grades on my exams many times. I guess that teachers appreciated me.
[New homeroom teacher]
I was acquainted with two teachers in SPC. One was Ms. O, a young English-language teacher. She was famous as a beautiful teacher. The other was Ms. H, a senior Japanese-language teacher. She had a stern look on her face. Honestly, I liked Ms. O rather than Ms. H. I wanted Ms. O to become my next homeroom teacher.
At the first of the school year, teachers announced new class composition. I was shocked. My homeroom teacher was Ms. H!
While I was afraid of her, I thought I could concentrate on my study to enter college.
[New Classmates]
I hardly saw any familiar faces in the new class. But I found M. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me. When I entered the classroom, I was surprised. My desk was next to M.
My desk was in the corner of the classroom. The next seat to mine was M. The front seat was S, a male student I first became acquainted with.
S sometimes spoke to me. I managed to whisper to him. As it was the start of the school year, I had drive to speak and change myself. And the episode shows that I began to overcome selective mutism.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Han note, Eye contact, Majime
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Han note, Eye contact, Majime
* * * * * * * * * *
[Han note]
My homeroom teacher made us write Han note. Han note is a notebook. Han is a Japanese that means group. Our classmates were divided into, as I remember, 5-7 groups. Each members of the groups wrote a diary in rotation.
Although I had selective mutism, I could express my thoughts and feelings in writing. I was a talkative man only in the Han note.
[Eye contact and nodding]
I had been in the habit of keeping eye contact with teachers when I listened in class since early times. Because of the habit, I didn't avoid eye contact although I had selective mutism. That may be a kind of behavioral therapy.
In addition, I began to nod at them. Keeping the habit, an English grammar teacher foud me and got close to me. After I became a sophomore, I still nodded at teachers in class. Similarly, an Engilsh teacher and a Japanese history teacher found me and got close to me. In this way, thanks to my habit of nodding, I could get acquainted with teachers although I hardly spoke.
[Majime]
I was viewed as a very Majime (serious, earnest) person. One former classmate said, "I've never seen such a Majime man!" I don't know whether my selective mutism caused me to be Majime or not.
Here is one story about my Majime personality.
I don't know who clean high school in the US, but in my Japanese high school, students were supposed to clean their school (I guess most Japanese high school students also were). Our classmates were divided into some cleaning groups, and I was assigned to a school entrance group.
I cleaned school entrance eagerly. But other members of the group didn't. They gradually neglected their work. One day I cleaned school entrance by myself. A senior teacher found me and said, "Why do you clean by yourself?" That caused trouble.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Han note, Eye contact, Majime
* * * * * * * * * *
[Han note]
My homeroom teacher made us write Han note. Han note is a notebook. Han is a Japanese that means group. Our classmates were divided into, as I remember, 5-7 groups. Each members of the groups wrote a diary in rotation.
Although I had selective mutism, I could express my thoughts and feelings in writing. I was a talkative man only in the Han note.
[Eye contact and nodding]
I had been in the habit of keeping eye contact with teachers when I listened in class since early times. Because of the habit, I didn't avoid eye contact although I had selective mutism. That may be a kind of behavioral therapy.
In addition, I began to nod at them. Keeping the habit, an English grammar teacher foud me and got close to me. After I became a sophomore, I still nodded at teachers in class. Similarly, an Engilsh teacher and a Japanese history teacher found me and got close to me. In this way, thanks to my habit of nodding, I could get acquainted with teachers although I hardly spoke.
[Majime]
I was viewed as a very Majime (serious, earnest) person. One former classmate said, "I've never seen such a Majime man!" I don't know whether my selective mutism caused me to be Majime or not.
Here is one story about my Majime personality.
I don't know who clean high school in the US, but in my Japanese high school, students were supposed to clean their school (I guess most Japanese high school students also were). Our classmates were divided into some cleaning groups, and I was assigned to a school entrance group.
I cleaned school entrance eagerly. But other members of the group didn't. They gradually neglected their work. One day I cleaned school entrance by myself. A senior teacher found me and said, "Why do you clean by yourself?" That caused trouble.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Thursday, September 04, 2008
A student with selective mutism was elected class president
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
A student with selective mutism was elected class president
* * * * * * * * * *
We held an election for class president in the midst of the school year. In my school the term of a class president is a half year. But no one ran for the election. So, we decided to recommend someone to class president.
To my surprise, one classmates recommended me! Except me, about five classmates were recommended.
I had no confidence in my ability to fulfill my responsibilities as a class president. I was a student with selective mutism.
After that classmates voted candidates, and ballots were counted. As a result, I was elected class president!
It was unbelievable. I thought my classmates must be a poor judge of human character. They elected me probably only because I was at the top of the class.
What was worse, my homeroom teacher said, "I can leave this school without worry as Tomishige was elected class president." She was pregnant and was going to leave school soon.
But anyway, I was elected class president. I vowed I worked hard to fulfill my responsibilities as a class president.
* * * * * * * * * *
Class president had to say "Kiritsu"(Stand up,) "Rei(Bow your head to teacher,)" and "Chakuseki (Be seated)" at the beginning and end of a class. But It was a tall order for a student with selective mutism.
I managed to say Kiritsu, Rei and Chakuseki in a small voice. For instance, if I said "Kiritsu(Stand up,)" classmates near me could hear my small voive, but others couldn't. So, classmates near me stood up first. Then, others noticed me saying "Kiritsu," because classmates near me stood up. So, others stood up next although they couldn't hear my small voice. It was odd.
I managed to carry on duties as class president. Fortunately, two vice class presidents supported me well.
But after I became class president, my classmates got slack. I blamed myself. I guessed they elected me probably because they thought I would not be able to show leadership if I became class president. If I can't show leadership, they can slack off.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
A student with selective mutism was elected class president
* * * * * * * * * *
We held an election for class president in the midst of the school year. In my school the term of a class president is a half year. But no one ran for the election. So, we decided to recommend someone to class president.
To my surprise, one classmates recommended me! Except me, about five classmates were recommended.
I had no confidence in my ability to fulfill my responsibilities as a class president. I was a student with selective mutism.
After that classmates voted candidates, and ballots were counted. As a result, I was elected class president!
It was unbelievable. I thought my classmates must be a poor judge of human character. They elected me probably only because I was at the top of the class.
What was worse, my homeroom teacher said, "I can leave this school without worry as Tomishige was elected class president." She was pregnant and was going to leave school soon.
But anyway, I was elected class president. I vowed I worked hard to fulfill my responsibilities as a class president.
* * * * * * * * * *
Class president had to say "Kiritsu"(Stand up,) "Rei(Bow your head to teacher,)" and "Chakuseki (Be seated)" at the beginning and end of a class. But It was a tall order for a student with selective mutism.
I managed to say Kiritsu, Rei and Chakuseki in a small voice. For instance, if I said "Kiritsu(Stand up,)" classmates near me could hear my small voive, but others couldn't. So, classmates near me stood up first. Then, others noticed me saying "Kiritsu," because classmates near me stood up. So, others stood up next although they couldn't hear my small voice. It was odd.
I managed to carry on duties as class president. Fortunately, two vice class presidents supported me well.
But after I became class president, my classmates got slack. I blamed myself. I guessed they elected me probably because they thought I would not be able to show leadership if I became class president. If I can't show leadership, they can slack off.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
My teacher
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
My teacher
* * * * * * * * * *
In terms of studying, I got good grades in my high school. A few months after I entered the school, I got 100 marks in an English grammar test. About 600 students in my high school took the test, but only 2 students (including me) got 100 marks. In addition, I most always reached the top of my class.
As far as studying goes, I was an outstanding student in my high school. Many students were good at sports but not studying.
But there was another reason. My homeroom teacher unlocked my potential. She believed my potential and often praised me. I'd never met such a teacher before. Under her direction, I got better grades.
I had a good relationship with her. She appreciated me. I made an effort to live up to her expectations.
One day in Chinese classics class, she taught us a proverb Shutsuran no homare. That means students surpass their teachers. She said, "I want someone to surpass me in future like the proverb." I determined to study hard and to surpass her in future.
But she didn't seemed to see my selective mutism as a problem. One day she had an interview with students' guardians. She also interviewed with my mother and said to her, "Tomishige is no problem!" Being quiet is a virtue in Japan. I guess she thought Tomishige was a good student who was bright and quiet.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
My teacher
* * * * * * * * * *
In terms of studying, I got good grades in my high school. A few months after I entered the school, I got 100 marks in an English grammar test. About 600 students in my high school took the test, but only 2 students (including me) got 100 marks. In addition, I most always reached the top of my class.
As far as studying goes, I was an outstanding student in my high school. Many students were good at sports but not studying.
But there was another reason. My homeroom teacher unlocked my potential. She believed my potential and often praised me. I'd never met such a teacher before. Under her direction, I got better grades.
I had a good relationship with her. She appreciated me. I made an effort to live up to her expectations.
One day in Chinese classics class, she taught us a proverb Shutsuran no homare. That means students surpass their teachers. She said, "I want someone to surpass me in future like the proverb." I determined to study hard and to surpass her in future.
But she didn't seemed to see my selective mutism as a problem. One day she had an interview with students' guardians. She also interviewed with my mother and said to her, "Tomishige is no problem!" Being quiet is a virtue in Japan. I guess she thought Tomishige was a good student who was bright and quiet.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Four girl students
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Four girl students
* * * * * * * * * *
After the first homeroom, four female students came to me and said, "Tomishige is kawaii! (cute!)"
During the homeroom period, I introduced myself. Although I had selective mutism, I managed to do so. Maybe they thought I was cute at that time. Or maybe they found me cute before homeroom.
They were the most active girls in the class. They usually said "Tomishige is kawaii!" and tried to make friends with me. They seemed to find me interesting.
I went through the same thing when I was the eighth grade. As an adolescent boy, I was happy at the time. But this time I felt unpleasant. I thought it was rude to say kawaii to a 15 years old boy even if they did so without malice. So, I sometimes gave them the cold shoulder. They sometimes got angry with me. But generally we were on good terms.
I didn't understand why girl students thought I was cute. When I wrote about that on my Japanese weblog The Selective Mutism Journal, a few readers of my blog said to me I looked cute, so they called me cute. But I guess the girls called me cute because they thought my behavior (such as my mute behavior, nodding and shaking my head, etc.) was cute.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Four girl students
* * * * * * * * * *
After the first homeroom, four female students came to me and said, "Tomishige is kawaii! (cute!)"
During the homeroom period, I introduced myself. Although I had selective mutism, I managed to do so. Maybe they thought I was cute at that time. Or maybe they found me cute before homeroom.
They were the most active girls in the class. They usually said "Tomishige is kawaii!" and tried to make friends with me. They seemed to find me interesting.
I went through the same thing when I was the eighth grade. As an adolescent boy, I was happy at the time. But this time I felt unpleasant. I thought it was rude to say kawaii to a 15 years old boy even if they did so without malice. So, I sometimes gave them the cold shoulder. They sometimes got angry with me. But generally we were on good terms.
I didn't understand why girl students thought I was cute. When I wrote about that on my Japanese weblog The Selective Mutism Journal, a few readers of my blog said to me I looked cute, so they called me cute. But I guess the girls called me cute because they thought my behavior (such as my mute behavior, nodding and shaking my head, etc.) was cute.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Three courses
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
Three courses
* * * * * * * * * *
I entered η high school.
η high school consisted of three courses. Career Course, Preparatory Course and Special Preparatory Course. CC incorporated vocational training into its curriculum. PC incorporated preparatory classes into its curriculum.
SPC also incorporated preparatory classes. But unlike PC, SPC aimed to help students to go to prestigious universities. Many freshmen wanted to enrol on SPC. But not all of their wishes came true. SPC recruited only about 160 students. On the other hand, students who wanted to enroll on the course exceeded 160 every year. School selected 160 students by the marks they obtained in entrance exam. So, only high-achieving students could enroll on SPC.
I wrote my will to study in SPC in documents I submitted to the school. But when I first went to school, I realized my class was PC, not SPC.
And I was surprised to see M. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me. Her class was SPC.
[First meeting of the class]
At the first meeting of the class, my homeroom teacher appeared in front of us and begun to talk about her and the class. According to her, she was a Japanese language teacher. Her age was 26. She had a husband.
She said this class was "semi SPC". First, students in the class had good academic ability next to students in SPC. Second, she had an experience of taking charge of SPC. Third, the classroom was located near SPC.
And she added we had a chance to promote to SPC in the next school year if we achieved high grades this school year. She said so because many students in the class couldn't enroll on SPC.
[Introducing myself]
A few days after I entered the high school, we students in the class introduced ourselves during homeroom. As I had selective mutism, I worried whether I could introduce myself smoothly. But I managed to do. After I finished introducing myself, my homeroom teacher said, "Tomishige once took part in the national
Shogi (Japanese Chess) Championships for junior high school. I hear Shogi players are clever. I hope you get good grade." I felt she fully expected me to get good grade. About 40 students introduced themselves, but she said such things only to me.
After homeroom, several female students came to me and said, "Tomishige, kawaii! (cute!)"
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
Three courses
* * * * * * * * * *
I entered η high school.
η high school consisted of three courses. Career Course, Preparatory Course and Special Preparatory Course. CC incorporated vocational training into its curriculum. PC incorporated preparatory classes into its curriculum.
SPC also incorporated preparatory classes. But unlike PC, SPC aimed to help students to go to prestigious universities. Many freshmen wanted to enrol on SPC. But not all of their wishes came true. SPC recruited only about 160 students. On the other hand, students who wanted to enroll on the course exceeded 160 every year. School selected 160 students by the marks they obtained in entrance exam. So, only high-achieving students could enroll on SPC.
I wrote my will to study in SPC in documents I submitted to the school. But when I first went to school, I realized my class was PC, not SPC.
And I was surprised to see M. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me. Her class was SPC.
[First meeting of the class]
At the first meeting of the class, my homeroom teacher appeared in front of us and begun to talk about her and the class. According to her, she was a Japanese language teacher. Her age was 26. She had a husband.
She said this class was "semi SPC". First, students in the class had good academic ability next to students in SPC. Second, she had an experience of taking charge of SPC. Third, the classroom was located near SPC.
And she added we had a chance to promote to SPC in the next school year if we achieved high grades this school year. She said so because many students in the class couldn't enroll on SPC.
[Introducing myself]
A few days after I entered the high school, we students in the class introduced ourselves during homeroom. As I had selective mutism, I worried whether I could introduce myself smoothly. But I managed to do. After I finished introducing myself, my homeroom teacher said, "Tomishige once took part in the national
Shogi (Japanese Chess) Championships for junior high school. I hear Shogi players are clever. I hope you get good grade." I felt she fully expected me to get good grade. About 40 students introduced themselves, but she said such things only to me.
After homeroom, several female students came to me and said, "Tomishige, kawaii! (cute!)"
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Earning redemption
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Earning redemption
* * * * * * * * * *
The first time I went to η private high school was when I attended tentative entrance ceremony.
We freshmen of η high school were supposed to attend the ceremony. Along with the ceremony, orientation session, school uniform sales, etc. are scheduled for.
η high school was a mammoth school, so I saw hundreds of freshmen in the school. Wandering in the school, I happened to meet my former classmates. They also failed the entrance exams for their first-choice high school. In my region most junior high school students' first choices were public high school rather than private high school. I attended the tentative entrance ceremony with them.
When I attended an orientation session, one teacher said to us, "Even if you failed entrance exams for public high schools, you can earn redemption in university entrance exams."
I was very impressed by what he said. I decided to study hard to go to prestigious university at the moment. Instead, I got the thought of overcoming selective mutism out of my head.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Earning redemption
* * * * * * * * * *
The first time I went to η private high school was when I attended tentative entrance ceremony.
We freshmen of η high school were supposed to attend the ceremony. Along with the ceremony, orientation session, school uniform sales, etc. are scheduled for.
η high school was a mammoth school, so I saw hundreds of freshmen in the school. Wandering in the school, I happened to meet my former classmates. They also failed the entrance exams for their first-choice high school. In my region most junior high school students' first choices were public high school rather than private high school. I attended the tentative entrance ceremony with them.
When I attended an orientation session, one teacher said to us, "Even if you failed entrance exams for public high schools, you can earn redemption in university entrance exams."
I was very impressed by what he said. I decided to study hard to go to prestigious university at the moment. Instead, I got the thought of overcoming selective mutism out of my head.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Saturday, March 29, 2008
My graduation
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
My graduation
* * * * * * * * * *
[Entrance exam of ε public high school]
I already passed entrance exam of η private high school. But I wished to go to ε public high school rather than η private high school. So, I studied hard to pass the entrance exam of ε public high school.
Before the exam, my junior high school hold assemblies for students to explain what to prepare for exams. I joined an assembly of applicants for ε public high school. I was surprised to see that M was also joined the assembly. M was my former classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me. If she and I passed the entrance exam, we would go to the same high school.
The next day, entrance exams were held. The exams included a English listening comprehension test. After the exam, I felt a sense of accomplishment.
[Graduation ceremony]
A day after the exam, graduation ceremony was held. I graduated from junior high school. But to me, true graduation was when my future course was decided.
[Failed exam]
About a week ago, application results were announced at each public high school. I went to ε public high school to know whether I passed the exam. Examinee's numbers of successful candidates were presented on a bulletin board at the school. But my examinee's number was not listed. I failed the entrance exam.
When I stood in front of the bulletin board, a classmate of mine approached me. "Tomishige, you failed? Me, too." My face remained impassive, although I failed the entrance exam. As I have selective mutism, my face always impassive. But the classmate got angry when he looked at my face. "Aren't you frustrated, Tomishige? I'm so frustrated!"
[Leaving ceremony]
At the end of month leaving ceremony for teachers was held in my public junior high school. Attendance at the ceremony was optional. I attended the ceremony, because my homeroom teacher would leave the school. After the ceremony, I saw and greeted my teacher. She said to me, "I'm sorry you failed exam, Tomishige. I think you should be greedy." That was the last day I visited the junior high school.
* * * * * * * * * *
I graduated from junior high school. Although got to be able to smile slightly in school settings, I couldn't overcome selective mutism completely in this three years.
(To be continued to the next chapter)
Index of SM story
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
My graduation
* * * * * * * * * *
[Entrance exam of ε public high school]
I already passed entrance exam of η private high school. But I wished to go to ε public high school rather than η private high school. So, I studied hard to pass the entrance exam of ε public high school.
Before the exam, my junior high school hold assemblies for students to explain what to prepare for exams. I joined an assembly of applicants for ε public high school. I was surprised to see that M was also joined the assembly. M was my former classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me. If she and I passed the entrance exam, we would go to the same high school.
The next day, entrance exams were held. The exams included a English listening comprehension test. After the exam, I felt a sense of accomplishment.
[Graduation ceremony]
A day after the exam, graduation ceremony was held. I graduated from junior high school. But to me, true graduation was when my future course was decided.
[Failed exam]
About a week ago, application results were announced at each public high school. I went to ε public high school to know whether I passed the exam. Examinee's numbers of successful candidates were presented on a bulletin board at the school. But my examinee's number was not listed. I failed the entrance exam.
When I stood in front of the bulletin board, a classmate of mine approached me. "Tomishige, you failed? Me, too." My face remained impassive, although I failed the entrance exam. As I have selective mutism, my face always impassive. But the classmate got angry when he looked at my face. "Aren't you frustrated, Tomishige? I'm so frustrated!"
[Leaving ceremony]
At the end of month leaving ceremony for teachers was held in my public junior high school. Attendance at the ceremony was optional. I attended the ceremony, because my homeroom teacher would leave the school. After the ceremony, I saw and greeted my teacher. She said to me, "I'm sorry you failed exam, Tomishige. I think you should be greedy." That was the last day I visited the junior high school.
* * * * * * * * * *
I graduated from junior high school. Although got to be able to smile slightly in school settings, I couldn't overcome selective mutism completely in this three years.
(To be continued to the next chapter)
Index of SM story
Sunday, March 23, 2008
My first entrance exam
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
My first entrance exam
* * * * * * * * * *
I had a parent-teacher-student meeting around the middle of the school year. The purpose of the meeting was to decide which high schools I applied to.
Under the local regulations we junior high school students could apply to only one public high school and one private high school. Most students' first choice was public high school. They applied to public high schools just to be on the safe side. I was not an exception.
At the meeting, my mother and I told my homeroom teacher which schools we wanted to apply. We wanted to apply to ε public high school and ζ private high school. My homeroom teacher agreed to apply to ε public high school. But she recommended us to η private high school, not ζ private high school. It was easier to pass the entrance exam of η high school than ζ high school.
My mother said to the teacher, "I worry that η high school is failing school." "Many parents who experienced entrance exam long time ago have negative image of η high school. But recently η high school makes a strong effort to raise the academic achievement of students. η high school is not a failing school now."
In the end, we decided to apply to ε public high school and η private high school. My first choice was ε public high school.
* * * * * * * * * *
Two month before the end of the school year, many private high schools hold entrance exams. That was the first time for me to take an entrance exam. I was quite nervous about my first entrance exam.
Before we students took exams, we were allowed to look at exam stations in advance. But when I went to the exam station, I got lost. So, I visited to Koban(police box) to ask policemen the way to the exam station. It was tough for me to ask directions, because I had selective mutism. But I managed to ask a policeman. When I arrived at the exam station, most students had already looked at the station and gone to home.
After that, exam day came. I could go to the exam station and take exams smoothly.
A few days after, test results were announced. We heard our test results from our homeroom teacher after school.
All students went out into the corridor. Our homeroom teacher called students one by one to enter classroom and told him or her test results. When I waited for a while, our homeroom teacher called me. I entered classroom. There was nobody except her and me in the classroom. She told me that I passed the entrance exam. But I showed no expression. I had selective mutism. "Aren't you happy? I heard from your mother that you worried a lot about your test results." I nodded in silence. "Just as I thought. Good thing you passed the exam."
In this way, I passed the entrance exam of η private high school. But my study was not over. I must pass the entrance exam of ε public high school. My first choice was ε public high school.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
My first entrance exam
* * * * * * * * * *
I had a parent-teacher-student meeting around the middle of the school year. The purpose of the meeting was to decide which high schools I applied to.
Under the local regulations we junior high school students could apply to only one public high school and one private high school. Most students' first choice was public high school. They applied to public high schools just to be on the safe side. I was not an exception.
At the meeting, my mother and I told my homeroom teacher which schools we wanted to apply. We wanted to apply to ε public high school and ζ private high school. My homeroom teacher agreed to apply to ε public high school. But she recommended us to η private high school, not ζ private high school. It was easier to pass the entrance exam of η high school than ζ high school.
My mother said to the teacher, "I worry that η high school is failing school." "Many parents who experienced entrance exam long time ago have negative image of η high school. But recently η high school makes a strong effort to raise the academic achievement of students. η high school is not a failing school now."
In the end, we decided to apply to ε public high school and η private high school. My first choice was ε public high school.
* * * * * * * * * *
Two month before the end of the school year, many private high schools hold entrance exams. That was the first time for me to take an entrance exam. I was quite nervous about my first entrance exam.
Before we students took exams, we were allowed to look at exam stations in advance. But when I went to the exam station, I got lost. So, I visited to Koban(police box) to ask policemen the way to the exam station. It was tough for me to ask directions, because I had selective mutism. But I managed to ask a policeman. When I arrived at the exam station, most students had already looked at the station and gone to home.
After that, exam day came. I could go to the exam station and take exams smoothly.
A few days after, test results were announced. We heard our test results from our homeroom teacher after school.
All students went out into the corridor. Our homeroom teacher called students one by one to enter classroom and told him or her test results. When I waited for a while, our homeroom teacher called me. I entered classroom. There was nobody except her and me in the classroom. She told me that I passed the entrance exam. But I showed no expression. I had selective mutism. "Aren't you happy? I heard from your mother that you worried a lot about your test results." I nodded in silence. "Just as I thought. Good thing you passed the exam."
In this way, I passed the entrance exam of η private high school. But my study was not over. I must pass the entrance exam of ε public high school. My first choice was ε public high school.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Severe bullying
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
Severe bullying
* * * * * * * * * *
The ninth grade was one of the most important period of school life. We needed to decide our future course. Most students wished to go to high school and studied hard to pass entrance exams. I also studied hard to go to high school.
At such an important period, I was bullied by some male classmates almost every day. Fortunately, some kind female classmates helped me. But that aroused jealousy of male bullies, and their bullying got severe. One teacher told me that bullies were irritated because they had to study hard every day.
My self-esteem was damaged. I felt that I didn't deserve of going to junior high school and studying with classmates.
In addition to that, I had a problem at home. That also bothered me.
My grades were falling. My distress from bullying and family problems may have caused my academic failure. But that's no excuse.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
Severe bullying
* * * * * * * * * *
The ninth grade was one of the most important period of school life. We needed to decide our future course. Most students wished to go to high school and studied hard to pass entrance exams. I also studied hard to go to high school.
At such an important period, I was bullied by some male classmates almost every day. Fortunately, some kind female classmates helped me. But that aroused jealousy of male bullies, and their bullying got severe. One teacher told me that bullies were irritated because they had to study hard every day.
My self-esteem was damaged. I felt that I didn't deserve of going to junior high school and studying with classmates.
In addition to that, I had a problem at home. That also bothered me.
My grades were falling. My distress from bullying and family problems may have caused my academic failure. But that's no excuse.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Club (3)
* * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
Club (3)
* * * * * * * * * *
As I mentioned earlier, I belonged to Igo and Shogi club. Igo is a strategic board game. Shogi is Japanese chess. But no club members played Igo. All members liked Shogi.
[Senpai, Kohai]
Senpai Kohai relationship is one of the most important element in club in Japan. Senpai is Kohai's upperclass student(s). Kohai is Senpai's underclass student(s). Kohai have to respect Senpai.
But some Kohai of mine didn't pay due repect to me.A Kohai of mine usually called me Tomishigekun. Kun is a Japanese title used towards one's juniors and contemporaries. Another Kohai sometimes insulted me and said, "I don't like Tomishigekun."
Indeed, in our club, members didn't traditionally stick to Senpai Kohai relationship very much. But even so, they were rudeness.
I guess that's because I was looked down on by them due to my mutism.
[Shogi Championships]
We took part in a team competition of Shogi Championships for junior high school in summer vacation. First, we challenged the local competition. But only two schools (including my school) participated in it. We won and advanced to the national competition. But we were beaten by natinal-class players.
When summer vacation ended and new school term began again, our club received a commendation from principal at all-school assembly. For some reason, I received the commendation as a representative of our club. My classmates and homeroom teacher were surprised to see that. "Tomishige took part in the national competition of Shogi!"
I was overestimated. We defeated only one team and advanced to the national competition. But I couldn't explain that. I had selective mutism. I was misunderstood.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
Chapter 4 Selective mutism and my junior high school years
Club (3)
* * * * * * * * * *
As I mentioned earlier, I belonged to Igo and Shogi club. Igo is a strategic board game. Shogi is Japanese chess. But no club members played Igo. All members liked Shogi.
[Senpai, Kohai]
Senpai Kohai relationship is one of the most important element in club in Japan. Senpai is Kohai's upperclass student(s). Kohai is Senpai's underclass student(s). Kohai have to respect Senpai.
But some Kohai of mine didn't pay due repect to me.A Kohai of mine usually called me Tomishigekun. Kun is a Japanese title used towards one's juniors and contemporaries. Another Kohai sometimes insulted me and said, "I don't like Tomishigekun."
Indeed, in our club, members didn't traditionally stick to Senpai Kohai relationship very much. But even so, they were rudeness.
I guess that's because I was looked down on by them due to my mutism.
[Shogi Championships]
We took part in a team competition of Shogi Championships for junior high school in summer vacation. First, we challenged the local competition. But only two schools (including my school) participated in it. We won and advanced to the national competition. But we were beaten by natinal-class players.
When summer vacation ended and new school term began again, our club received a commendation from principal at all-school assembly. For some reason, I received the commendation as a representative of our club. My classmates and homeroom teacher were surprised to see that. "Tomishige took part in the national competition of Shogi!"
I was overestimated. We defeated only one team and advanced to the national competition. But I couldn't explain that. I had selective mutism. I was misunderstood.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
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