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Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Study was everything
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[Which colleges we wanted to apply to ?]
When I was a sophomore in high school, one day our school had us take a nationwide practice entrance exam.
Before we took the exam, we were required to write which colleges we wanted to apply to on prescribed forms. After the exam, the organizer of the exam showed us possibilities that we pass the entrance exams for colleges we wanted to apply to on the basis of data obtained by the exam.
I also wrote my preferred colleges on a prescribed form. I wrote three colleges. A college, B college and C college. But after I submitted the paper, my homeroom teacher called me into a teachers' room. She asked me why I wrote the name of C college. She said she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the name of the college. According to her, C college had bad reputation, and most alumni of our high school who went to C colleges were ones with very low academic achievement. "I can't understand why did student like you write such college's name?"
From what she saw, I underestimated me. But from what I saw, she overestimated me.
I went through similar experience when I was the 5th grade. My homeroom teacher thought highly of me. But I had the opposite view (see "My self-evaluation").
Did she misunderstood me because I spoke nothing? Did selective mutism affect my self-esteem and cause me to underestimate myself?
[Study was everything]
Many students in my class studied hard to pass college entrance exams. Maybe because of that, there was an atmosphere in my class that study was everything. If student get high marks, he or she gains respect. Even if high-achievement students had some problems, their problems tended to be ignored.
My selective mutism didn't disappeared completely then. But I studied hard to pass college entrance exams rather than tried to overcome my anxiety disorder. As a result, I got high marks in regular exams. My classmates showed respect for me. My homeroom teacher also thought highly of me. I had only to study.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
