Chapter 5 Selective mutism and my high school years
Students sitting near me
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I was promoted to the sophomore. As I wrote my previous post, my desk was in the corner of the classroom.
Students sitting near me was S and M.
S was a boy sitting in front of me. M was a girl sitting next to me. M was my former female classmate. When she and I were in the sixth grade, there was a rumor that she loved me.
At first, I was mute. I didn't talk to anyone. But some time later, S talked to me. I replied in a low voice. As it was the start of the school year, I had drive to speak. And the episode shows I began to overcome selective mutism. We continued to do such things. We gradually become close to each other. I also become close to Z, a friend of S. But I consistently had a passive attitude toward them. I didn't think they were my friends.
On the other hand, I didn't talk to M. Neither did M. But I occasionally asked her to show her textbook with her, because I sometimes forgot my textbooks. One day I thanked her for showing her textbook to me with my awkward way of speaking. M said with sparkling eyes, "Uun, betsu ni. (You're welcome.)" Then she suddenly grasped a friend of her by the arm and dashed out of the classroom very delightedly.
She looked odd when it comes to me.
When I talked to S, I sometimes smiled. M wanted to watch me smiling, probably because when she and I were the same class in elementary school, my selective mutism was so severe that I didn't smile at school. So, when I smiled, M sometimes looked at me. But I didn't want her to see smiling for some reason. When she looked at me, I quickly changed my expression.
(To be continued)
Index of SM story
